Day 2

This is the day I take stock. The truth is that disappointment and dissatisfaction arise when expectations don't match one's reality. If, for example, we expect to get straight A's, and we get four A's and a B, we are disappointed. If, on the other hand, we expect straight B's and we get four A's and a B, we're thrilled. So it is with life.

There are so many facets of my life - my physical environment, my physical body, my spiritual life, my relationships, my finances, my mission. And within all this, I ask myself if I take enough time for me - for my personal growth, and do I manage my time well so as to do the best I can with what I'm given? The answer here is clearly not a resounding 'yes', because if it were, I wouldn't be starting this journey. The distance between my expectations and my reality differ for the various parts of my life, but there is great importance in putting some sort of measure on that distance. I need to see clearly where I am going, and why I am doing this, so that when I feel overwhelmed on this path toward change, I can pull out this roadmap of where I'm headed, and use it as a motivation to keep going.

At this season in my life, the three areas where I desire most to see change are in home management, my personal health, and my mission. My personal environment depresses me. Everywhere I look, disorganization reigns, and I feel like I'm in a constant, losing battle with the clutter monster. As for my health - I simply don't feel like I'm at 100%, and I haven't since 2007 when I spent nine months receiving treatment for cancer. I get virtually no exercise at all and I realize that for my future life, that absolutely must change. And finally, in the area of mission, I want to start living more deliberately. God has placed me in this place, at this time, for a specific purpose. I desire to connect more fully with my mission, and live it out daily.

And so I have measured my life. I have come face to face with my shortcomings. And the epiphany I have had is this: I am not helpless. The power to change lies within me.

Day 1

My life is out of balance. I feel it in the morning when I wake, and instead of joy, I experience a feeling akin to disappointment that I have to face my day. I am overwhelmed by my responsibilities, by the many repetitive tasks that face me every day.

You see, I am a homeschooling mom, whose job it is to raise and educate my children, and manage my home. I have taken this job on by choice, but it seems that I am constantly called upon to operate in my area of greatest weakness. I am an organized thinker (undergrad degree in mathematics, graduate degree in law), but my physical environment is one of chaos. I am drowning in clutter - and paper, and toys, and dishes, and laundry, and...  And this, in turn, impacts my emotional state and steals my joy. Yet what do I do? Everyday, I get up and go through the same motions. I put out the fires that threaten to burn us down, but I make no real progress. How many times a day do I open a closet or cupboard, and think, 'Oh my word, I need to clean this out.' Yet, it never happens. The same closets have needed cleaning out for months, and I feel a lack of ability to take control. I feel like my toolbox is empty. I don't know where to begin.

And then, a while back, I was reading the blog Xandrepress, and she wrote something simple that, for me, was deeply profound. She said (as though speaking to me) that I will never change who I am until I change what I do. So I will begin, today, changing what I do. Today is the first step towards transformation.

I am not foolish enough to think it will be easy. Each day will be a choice. In order to improve my chances for success, I've done two things. I've chosen a blueprint to follow, which can be found here. And I've chosen an accountability partner - you, dear reader.

So, with little fanfare, I start my journey toward balance.